to believe.

i believe in fairies.
i do.
not because have learned to believe,
nor because i have seen enough to no longer doubt.
i believe
just because i want to.

i want to believe in magic again.
magic you cant see,
but you know is there.
dancing around flowers in your garden
disappearing as quickly as you turn your head.

i miss being eight
wide eyed reading volume F in the library.
seeing pictures
and fervently wishing i could see it with my own eyes.
the magic.

but its not just fairies
i believed in
many things.
i believed in everything.
the good days,
where rationale didnt get in the way
my empty mind,
for anything to fill.
angels, fairies, mermaids.

i miss those words.
i miss looking at the stars and wondering
if one day i would get to visit the magical world of lisa frank
i miss looking into the ocean
and wondering how the waves seem to never stop.
magic, of course.
i miss believing there was actually a dreamworld
and every night every child boards a train
and rides on to this secret place
you instantly forget as you wake.

i want to believe again.
i want to look outside the window
and see pixie dust in the light again.

i want to believe there's a paradise to go to.
i already do.
but i want to believe a paradise exists as we do.
as we spin this record again and again
a neverland exists.
we cannot see it,
but i've visited it once or twice before.
i know it.

we've only forgotten
all we need is to remember.
remember how we were.
back when we didnt know how to decide
whether we'd look stupid or not
back when we'd just go.
back when we didnt know left from right
just forward.
and so everything existed,
welcoming us.

i miss that.
this is a simple post, but it means a lot to me. its my promise to my inner child that i wont ever forget what she taught me so many years ago.
you know, to believe.