my first post just has to be about the end

now is the time to make a blog.
here in my room, just hours after the retreat. i cant believe its over. it was pretty bitin. but even if our retreat wasn't as amazing as i thought it would be, i still think it served its purpose. it gave us the opportunity to face reality, and to be nice to each other for one of the last times, without the uncomfortableness (is that a word?) we'd usually feel in school.
i wondered why i wasnt so worried about grad. i didnt feel like i didnt want to leave. heck, i was so ready to jump on that plane and leave our prison of a school. but i what i didnt think of was that once i get on that plane, once we step foot into that new college, theres no going back. there will be nothing to go back to. sometimes when i'd be having a bad day, i'd just sit in and listen to a fun conversation and before i knew it, their fun and weirdness would make me forget what i'd been grumblig about before. but soon, that'll be gone.
i didnt feel it before, but i sure feel it now.
the clock is ticking, and pretty soon i wont ever see so many of the faces i've grown so used to over the years.
what is it like to not hear people playing the guitar and singing bohemian rhapsody early in the morning?
what does it feel like to be in a place where no one dances at lunch to gimme gimme more?
or to go to a classroom where you cant just enter and scream, "hoi sinong may assignment sa physics??"
no talks in the gazebo.
no staring blankly at a pingpong game in the gym. (not that that's missed much right now)
no one stealing your sizzling in the canteen.
no amaw videos, and no guys showing off their legs during PE.
no "baaaaa"s and "i dunnoe"s.

i cant imagine. its hard to think march 25 will be the last time i might ever see some of our batchmates. it sucks, but its true.
but today along with this sadness, i also feel somehow ready to say goodbye. so many things were done that should've been done a long time ago. i cherished the few moments i got to spend with the batchmates i know i'm going to miss. i went into ultrafriendly mode,and so did everyone else. you could see everybody smiling that sad smile that was almost weird. i got to exchange words to people i silently admired, too. it was like the "peace" i was looking for inside me. now, after all thats said and done, i feel like i can finally say goodbye to *some people* without any regrets. of course there are others who deserve more than a hug and a smile. i'll attend to that, surely. (like dans, nil- grad talaga!)

i know im just one out of 91, but i feel like the whole freaking batch is inside me. seriously, i do. its weird nga, cos i know i hardly even talk to some people, but even if i dont, i still feel like i've got a little bit of them in me.(i can relate to kiboy's sharing) we have so many extremely weird/funny/unique personalities in this batch which im proud to say are very, you know, unique, so its extreme good fortune (or divine intervention) on my part that i got to experience their company. thank you so much, cos all of my happy moments in pisay were with the batch. (duh, i guess)
(parenthesis)

i guess have no right to feel this way, but heck its the closest way to explain it: when i look at this batch i get that smile a mother gets while she's looking at her children playing. wa, i know im no mother. but when i look at our batch, i cant believe how much we've grown, how perfectly PERFECTLY we get along, how each person contributes so much to the general vibe of this awesome group. we cant deny that we rule.

i am so grateful i was able to be a part of this memory.
LONG LIVE THE BATCH!

seriously, we all have to be alive at the reunion, ok?